Santa, We Need to Talk About Kit the Beefcake
- Elf on the Shelf
- Dec 10, 2025
- 5 min read
An Unauthorised, Over-Caffeinated, Possibly Career-Ending Holiday Review by Elfred “Spice” McNaughty, Shelf Goblin & Unsupervised OFI Correspondent
Elf on the Shelf, OF Insider holiday guest correspondent
Let me paint the scene.
It’s December. You’re decking the halls.
Meanwhile, I’m perched on a shelf in a questionable lunge position, reading OF Insider articles like my life depends on it.
(A quick note: it does not. I’m an inanimate spy doll with flexible morals. My only real responsibility is “sit there menacingly.”)
And then I see it:
Kit the Beefcake didn’t just enter the chat — she hijacked the sleigh, hotwired the GPS, and left Santa filing missing toy reports.
So yes. I wrote an article.
And no. I didn’t ask permission.
Because if Santa won’t let me unionize, he’s not getting editorial approval either.
Chapter 1:
The Origin Story I Was Not Emotionally Prepared For
Every OF Insider creator story has a vibe.
Some are wholesome.
Some are chaotic.
Some have the emotional energy of a 3am group chat meltdown.
Kit’s story?
It’s like watching a Hallmark movie written by a statistics professor.
Here’s the breakdown, as observed through my tiny plastic eyeballs:
She’s studying psychology
Training people at the gym for spare change
Goes live on TikTok
Says she’s broke
TikTok: “BABE. START AN OF.”
One month later she makes $10,000
Immediately buys a camera
Quits her job
Enrolls in a second degree in Mathematics
Funds the whole thing with OnlyFans earnings
I read that and fell off the shelf so hard I gave the cat a heart attack.
Most people make their first $10K and go:
“Let me buy noise-canceling headphones I’ll never use.”
“Let me order sushi for 11 days straight.”
“Let me consult a crystal.”
Kit?
“Let me become a full-blown production house with academic side quests.”
I respect that level of chaos.
Chapter 2:
The Tomboy Who Somehow Has a Degree, a Community, and a Working Microphone
OF Insider’s branding calls her a “tomboy next door.”
You know what that means in real life?
A girl-next-door who:
Can out-lift you
Can out-think you
Can diagnose why you panic-text
Can edit a video in 4K
And probably knows how to calculate the exact moment you’ll fall in love with her.
As an elf who has accidentally witnessed hundreds of human disasters from shelves across America, let me tell you:
This is an unfair combination of traits.
She’s not “relatable.”
She’s “relatable but optimized.”
Like if the girl next door got a firmware update.
In October, she describes her content as:
“A love letter to my subscribers.”
Meanwhile, everyone else is treating their subscribers like customer-service tickets.
This is why Kit gets 217,000 article reads and the rest of you get three likes and a spam bot from Belarus.
Chapter 3:
217K Reads in October & Somehow Zero Diva Behavior
Let’s talk about the October spotlight blowing up.
217,000 reads.
Two. Hundred. Seventeen. Thousand.
I haven’t seen numbers that high since Santa accidentally leaked the Naughty List and three countries declared it a privacy scandal.
But Kit?
She reads the update and goes:
“Yeah, that’s what my community does.”
Excuse me?
Your fans are out here mobilizing like a small nation-state and you’re just sipping tea like it's normal?
Meanwhile, I’m on the shelf screaming internally because:
Her fanbase did not turn feral
They did not become unhinged hype beasts
They simply… expanded
Same kindness.
Same support.
Same cheering energy.
Just… bigger.
It’s wholesome in a way that makes me deeply uncomfortable.
I didn’t sign up for feelings.
Chapter 4:
Kit Starts a Podcast & Immediately Goes to War With Technology
This is the moment I knew Kit was truly one of us.
She announces:
“I’m launching a podcast about the subscriber experience.”
Cute. Wholesome. Admirable.
Then technology responds:
“I will personally ruin your day.”
Sony A7III: “29 minutes max, babe.”
Shure SM7B: “I don’t know her.”
Recording software: “What if I simply didn’t?”
Backup mics: “We’re doing our best.”
Episode one becomes a Frankenstein’s monster of audio sources.
And what does Kit do?
Does she cry?
Does she throw the camera into the abyss?
Does she start an enemies-to-lovers arc with Adobe Premiere?
No.
She calmly says:
“The important part is that we captured the content.”
Then she fixes it for episode two.
This is the female protagonist energy Disney wishes it had written.
Chapter 5:
Kit Looks at the Industry & Goes Full Justice Warrior
December Kit is not playing games.
She talks about interviewing subscribers, reading their experiences, and noticing a pattern:
Creators making promises they don’t fulfill
Advertising things they don’t deliver
Treating loyal fans like disposable ATMs
As an elf whose entire job is judging humans, I can confirm:
She is correct.
Kit basically stands on the digital rooftop and yells:
“If you promise explicit content, you should actually provide explicit content.”
Bold.
Transparent.
Industry-shaking.
Somewhere, Santa read this and whispered, “Finally, someone said it.”
She predicts:
2026 will be a reckoning year
Fans will demand transparency
Creators who deliver value will rise
Creators who lie will be dragged by the algorithm and possibly Rudolph
I didn’t know I needed a tomboy math major holding the industry accountable, but I’m not arguing.
Chapter 6:
Why OFI Made Her the December Cover Model (Elf Version)
Let’s break this down using elf logic.
Reason she earned the cover:
She treats content like a craft, not a cash grab
Reinvests in quality instead of lifestyle optics
Runs her brand like a mature creator, not a chaotic gremlin with an iPhone
Builds a community rooted in kindness, which is basically a miracle.
Has short hair, muscles, a brain that works, and a hoodie aesthetic that destroys people emotionally.
She talks openly about failures instead of pretending she’s perfect.
She is unintentionally becoming an industry thought leader.
Also:
Math degree.
Psych degree.
Outdoorsy.
Podcasting.
International travel on the horizon.
This woman is basically a creator Voltron.
If OF Insider didn’t put her on the December cover, the elves were prepared to riot.
(And by riot, I mean rearrange the nativity scene into a protest.)
Chapter 7:
Elf’s Overly Honest Advice for Creators Who Are Now Spiraling
If you’re a creator reading this and thinking:
“Ugh, she’s doing everything right.”
Relax.
No one expects you to get 217K reads overnight.
But as your tiny seasonal menace, here’s what you can absolutely steal from Kit without getting sued:
1. Reinvest in your craft:
Buy gear.
Buy lights.
Buy editing software.
Don’t buy a giant inflatable Santa.
It won’t help you.
2. Respect your fans
Treat them like humans.
Not data points.
Not revenue streams.
Not emotional support animals.
3. Deliver what you say you’ll deliver
Radical concept, I know.
4. Interview your audience
Let them tell you what they want.
They’re into you — not the algorithm.
5. Show your failures
People love a creator who falls on their face and then stands up with a tripod.
6. Develop a personality
Preferably one that isn’t “limited edition mystery.”
Final Verdict From the Shelf (Expanded Holiday Edition)
After reading both the October and December articles, here’s my conclusive elf analysis:
Kit is:
The math major who makes content feel intentional
The tomboy who could crush you with kindness or biceps, depending on the day
The creator who reinvests instead of coasts
The emotional support hoodie-wearer the OnlyFans economy didn’t know it needed
The subscriber advocate who is here to actually fix things
The December cover model who earned it through skill, heart, effort, and possibly witchcraft
In summary:
Kit didn’t just make the Nice List — she redesigned it, formatted it, added conditional equations, and color-graded it.
From my spot on the shelf, watching her whirlwind rise, all I can say is:
If this is the kind of energy leading 2026, please sign me up for a full-season subscription, a hoodie, a backstage pass, and possibly a restraining order.
Merry chaos!
Elf on the Shelf
Your least responsible OF Insider correspondent
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